Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
