You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
