I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
