Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
