Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
