and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
