I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
