Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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