Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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