Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
