Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
