oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
