Me. At least after what I've been through.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
