dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
