Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
