can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize