New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
