last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
