So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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