i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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