I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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