ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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