I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
