Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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