FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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