I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my shit smells like andre
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
