do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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