just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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