I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize