So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He kissed a someone with a penis
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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