I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
