It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
