Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
