when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
