did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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