I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
