I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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