Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
