I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
