They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
