I want to walk on stilts...naked
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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