This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
