Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
