Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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