wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
