i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
