Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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