And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
