don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
