I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
