I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
how does that bad decision feel?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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