I just threw up on my dentist
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
