I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
