Your tits are I can't wait for
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
