is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
