...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
