You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
