Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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