The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
you never un-have a 4some
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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