Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
