Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
