I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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