ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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