i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Every concussion has its silver lining
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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