Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
