i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
