im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
