exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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