Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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