I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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