Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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