The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
