i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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