very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
